How many times should we forgive someone and when we do
forgive them, what’s next? Peter came
right out and asked Jesus this popular question. We read about the recollection of the
conversation in Matthew 18:21, 22. Jesus
says, “not seven times but seventy times seven”. That’s a lot of grace for one person to dish
out, don’t you think? What’s the popular
phrase? Oh yeah – “Once burned, shame on
me; twice burned shame on you”. Doesn’t
seem to match up with scripture but most of us are inclined to proclaim the
popular secular decree rather than the scripture-based instruction.
First of all, let’s do the math. Seventy times seven is
490. So we need to forgive people 490
times. Is that for the same
transgression or do we keep a tally for each transgression for which we grant
forgiveness? Let’s take a look at Israel…there
is a chance that Jesus was actually referring to historical significance
here. The people of Israel transgressed
a LOT. It wasn’t necessarily the same
transgression but wow they really racked up the points. Lucky for them, and for us; God shows mercy
and grace – unlike his creation who seldom show mercy and grace especially to
repeat offenders.
Do you think the act of forgiving is a choice or a
feeling? Is it a state of being or an
actual physical action? We have clear
Biblical instruction: Colossians 3:13, “bear
with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one
another. Forgive as the Lord forgave
you.” You read that right – we are to forgive (just)
as the Lord (has) forgiven us! The
prayer that Christ himself taught us to pray states, “..and forgive us our sins
(or trespasses, depending on your faith tradition) as we forgive those who sin
against us”. Oh wait a minute – THAT was
tricky. He threw that last part in to
trip us up, right? Kinda like the time
they were about to stone that poor woman and Christ picked up a rock and said, “He
who is without sin must cast the first stone”.
We thought for a moment that, as Christ picked up a stone, he was
affirming that we were actually right and justified in stoning that poor woman
to death. But at the last minute, when
we least expected it, he throws in a “yeah, but”. Kinda like Steve Jobs always did in his
announcements, remember? He would always
say, “oh, and one more thing”…and that one more thing was always HUGE!
We know we should forgive but what happens when we just
plain don’t feel like it? Our grievance
is valid, right? Our anger justified. Why should we forgive some of the uglier sins
of others like lying, stealing, cheating…how about physical pain or even
murder? Why assume that God will have
complete jurisdiction over them and will judge them according to His standards
when our standards seem pretty fair, right?
Hmmmm…fair…
Corrie Ten Boom, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, says, “Forgiveness
is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you.” There is a wonderful clearing of the
conscience when we forgive and then move on. That moving on may involve a lot
of healing time, and grappling with our definition of justice versus God’s. Relationships may falter during that time and
friendships are re-defined. We become a
new sculpture, really, in the artists’ hands during this time. For when we forgive, as the Lord’s Prayer
says, and we forgive just as we want and hope that God will forgive us and that
our fellow man will forgive us; there is a sweet release in the Spirit. The prisoner is indeed set free.
Forgive the man who drove drunk and killed a mother and her
children? Forgive the man who, without
notice or warning, takes his own life and leaves behind a path of
destruction? Forgive the one who cheated
in mind, spirit AND body? Forgive the
one who sold us out, threw us under the bus, ratted us out, and turned against
us? Forgive the very ones who crucified
you and left you on the road side to die?
Forgive the one who beat you? I’ll
have to think about that one for a while.
And while we think, we continue to utter those words all too
easily; “…and forgive me of my wrong doings in the same manner in which I have forgiven all people who have done wrong
things to me”… and don’t be surprised if you don’t feel the release of that
burden right away. After all, you just asked God to do something very specific –
not simply forgive you, but use YOU as His guide to how to forgive. You just asked God to use you as the standard
by which he will shower you with mercy and patience.
We don’t forgive for the sake of the sinner – that’s God’s
job. We forgive for our own sake. It doesn’t mean forgetting nor does it mean
we are enabling the sinner even more. It
means we have let it go. As long as you
have un-forgiveness you have anger, or hatred, or maybe resentment towards that
person. Which means that person is still
in control of YOU.
Is has been said that forgiveness “is me giving up my right
to hurt you for hurting me”. Mark Twain
said that “forgiveness is the fragrance the rose sheds on the heel that has
crushed it”. Forgiveness is not about
forgetting – it is about finding a new definition for that experience. It’s about discovering a new ‘normal’. It’s about creating a new way to remember
that changes the bad memories of the past in to the hope for our future.
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