Two years ago President Jimmy Carter made a bold and very public statement by removing his membership to the Southern Baptist Church.  For years he tried to encourage dialogue concerning what he saw as a “…repugnant..belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men” and went on to say that it only excuses “…slavery, violence, forced prostitution, and national laws that omit rape as a crime”. (Source: http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/07/20/jimmy-carter-leaves-church-over-treatment-of-women/)  Jimmy Carter, in my opinion, took the proper steps.  He prayed about the situation, and then opened dialogue with the Christian community over this issue.  At some point he decided that the dialogue would go nowhere and so he stepped away.  The question here is, at what point do you decide that dialogue fails and the right step is to step away? 

The same can be said when trying to help someone with an issue they have.  At what point do you have to make the decision that you have done all you can and now it is time to step away?  In fact, this can be a struggle with many areas of our lives from relationships to a job.  After so many attempts at trying, sometimes it just makes sense to step away.

Several years ago I was employed in the death-care industry.  I was hired in to a management position because of my skills in team building and improving processes.  I did what I was hired to do but continually encountered walls purposely put in my way to set me up to fail.  A year of on-going conversations only yielded more walls.  One day, after careful prayer and consideration, at 5:00 p.m. I left that job.  I know I left it in good hands and that the staff would continue to move forward. I knew the families we worked with would not be affected.  I knew it was the right thing to do – I simply stepped away.

Many years ago I found myself in an important turning point in my career in full-time church ministry.  Seated in the front row of more than 5000 pastors from around the country, I listened as Andy Stanley said, “sometimes, to be effective in ministry, God needs you to step aside.  But because of our own humanity we oftentimes refuse to see what we really need to do.  That’s when God steps in and rips you out of ministry.”  I know that I had to step aside and begin exploring a new calling in ministry in order for God to continue the work He started through me.  I had to explore other options – step out of my comfort zone and search new ways of being in ministry.  It was a painful journey but one that I am most pleased to have walked.

Jesus asked his disciples to wait for him and keep watch while he went a short distance away to pray.  When Jesus was done he came back to find them asleep.  How frustrating that must have felt.  How lonely that must have made our Lord.  He spent three years teaching, encouraging, training, and lifting up these men and they still didn’t get it.  So what did Jesus do?  He rebuked them.  He said, “You mean to tell me you couldn’t wait just a little while?”   He explained to them that things are going to happen around them if they continue with this behavior – he said, “Stay awake before you fall in to temptation”.   He then simply stepped away – and returned to praying. Jesus, in this one act, teaches us the importance of correction and prayer.   

We are only human and as such we have limitations.  Our minds create an image of God only to the extent of our human understanding and our minds.  Our minds can only take so much and our humanity only brings us so far.  Our humanity is what keeps us from experiencing the Holy.  Our humanity is what keeps us from growing in Christ.  Our humanity is what keeps us from making the same bad choices, the same bad decisions as we did yesterday and probably will do tomorrow.  Our humanity is what causes us to fall asleep when the Lord asks us to be awake and alert.  Our humanity is what causes us to continually sin, that is, to continually grow the space between us and God. 

Of all the characteristics of being human, which one(s) are the loudest in your life?  Which one(s) keeps you from staying awake?  Which one(s) keeps you a safe distance from the Holy?  Which one(s) will you begin working on today before God decides to rip you away from them?  Because when God does decide to tear you from it, you’ll probably go kicking and screaming all the way.  Make the decision today that God is waiting for you to make.  Change.  We cannot grow if we do not change.  Change equals growth.  Growth equals a closer relationship to our Creator.  A closer relationship with our Creator equals closer and more meaningful relationships with our fellow humans.

Having the courage and strength to step away can actually mean that you are stepping closer to the Holy and closer in to the person you are meant to become.  Standing up for what your heart believes is truth will, indeed, bring you closer to the person you are meant to be.  When we step away, in truth, we step closer to the Holy.

Come Sweet Death, Come Sweet Repose

The perceptions and understandings of life after earthly-death is as varied as the ways we die.  A simplified understanding of the various understandings of afterlife can be summed up by the following:

EASTERN RELIGIONS (Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism) = Reincarnation

WESTERN RELIGIONS (Judaism, Christinity, Islam) = Bodily Resurrection

But that is only an elementary summation as there are thousands of different beliefs of what happens after this earthly life is over.

By the 2^nd century BCE, the idea of disembodied soul-survival and future bodily resurrection from the dead are present in Judaism.  These ideas eventually worked their way in to Christian and Islamic theology during the Common Era.

No one knows.  It is a truth just as it is true that everyone will die.  My mother knew and accepted her on-coming death although she did not want to and she fought it till the end.  She had a fear of death that many people share.  Regardless of your faith tradition and upbringing, there is an element of unknown when it comes to our death. 

J.S. Bach’s song entitled “Come, Sweet Death, Come Blessed Rest” is a song for solo voice found in his compilation called 69 Sacred Songs and Arias.  It is a musical adaptation of the composer’s idea of the journey from this life to the next.  Years ago Virgil Fox composed an historic arrangement of Bach’s work and played it on New York’s Riverside Church organ.  His version is agonizingly slow and very heart wrenching.  In 1946 Leopold Stokowski created the orchestral version of the piece which opens with all strings muted except for a solo cello that plays the melody line.  Bach wrote this selection to demonstrate his view of death as something not to be feared but rather as a sweet ending to the sadness and hard life he knew on earth.  It is an incredible song of faith and a lesson to be learned and shared. 

It was a fear of death and dying that prevented Hamlet from committing suicide after pondering, “To be, or not to be? That is the question.”  It is this same fear that causes many people to not think about or consider their own death.  Preplanning their funeral and making financial arrangements for one’s eventual death can be a scary process.  Fear of the unknown is a natural human instinct.  My mother was fearful of what lies beyond but at the end she accepted the fact that she was going to leave this life and there was nothing she could do about it. She was lucky.  She was able to say good-bye, able to process for a short period of time and resolve issues from her life.  She was able to reconcile relationships and finalize some of her wishes. Many of us will not be so lucky.

So why not start today?  I’m not suggesting you make unreasonable or foolish decisions but maybe allow yourself to live a little more than you are today.  Buy a better bottle of wine, have a fine steak once in a while, and eat mac n’ cheese off of the good china. 

The great American humorist, Erma Bombeck is quoted as saying, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." 

Perhaps my favorite quote regarding death comes from the author of the hugely popular 1970’s book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull; “Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't”. 

Regardless of our viewpoints on the end of life and what happens after we leave this journey on earth, we should decide to live today.  We should embrace the idea that our work is not done.  We were given talents and a purpose and we should continue to fulfill that purpose every moment we can.  Embrace each new day as a gift and work hard to make that day the best day you have had to date.  Take the opportunity to help others see the same.  More importantly, take time today to define your mission in life and then spend the rest of your days bringing that mission to fruition.

Really? Don't Bother.

Willing to do something and doing something are sometimes at opposite ends of the spectrum.  I know many people who are willing to make a sacrifice for family but when it comes down to actually doing it, it never gets done.  There is an old saying that goes, “when all is said and done, nothing said was ever done”.  We put so much lip service to good deeds and selfless acts but we never get it done.

As I was walking my mom down the hall one day at the hospital, her arm on one arm of mine and my other arm pushing her chemo IV, I noticed several nurses watching me.  As mom got to her destination I waited patiently outside the door for her.  One of the nurses came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “When I am old I pray that one of my children will be just like you”. 

I’m not writing this to toot my own horn.  I know I am making a lot of sacrifices for both my parents but it is the right thing to do.  My parents sacrificed their lives to raise us and continue to make sacrifices for us.  The whole reason they live in this state is to be close to their kids.  I seriously do not understand why so many people are hurting and dying and yet their own family won’t sacrifice time away.  One lady told me the other day that her son had that week off but had projects at home he wanted to get done so she has been taking a cab to her chemotherapy treatments.  I almost cried in her presence.  What project can be so important that it takes priority over your own mother?  His mother is dying, hurting, tired, sick and scared to die.  He was probably painting a room or cleaning out the garage.

As I walked Mom back down to her room we passed an elderly lady in her room, all alone, reading a book.  Mom motioned for me to stop.  She walked purposely and every step caused her pain.  She was unable to see out of one eye and the other eye was losing sight because of a tumor behind it.  Her mouth was so dry and inflamed with thrush from the chemo that it was hard for her to talk.  Yet she needed to stop and say something to this lady.  She slowly turned to face the lady and said, “Do you mind if I interrupt you for a moment?”  The lady put down her book and said, with a smile, “not at all”.  Mom said, “I wanted to stop and encourage you to keep fighting.  Don’t ever give up and give this cancer as much hell as it has been giving you”. 

Mom did not have other priorities at that time except to encourage and support a total stranger in her fight for her life even while Mom was fighting for hers.  And yet this woman’s family made her take a cab to her chemo.  It breaks my heart to think of anyone having to walk this journey alone.

There is so much more happening in the life of someone who is dying than what people see passing in the hallways of the clinic.  The support can’t stop.   You cannot schedule your support of someone.  You cannot pencil in time to spend with a dying loved-one if they truly are one that is loved.  The sacrifice of time is daily and many times hourly.  You must hide any frustration you have.  You must work through the feelings of guilt that overcome you when you are upset that you have no time for yourself.  You must work extra hard and use extra energy inside you to hold their hand, walk them across the floor, cut their finger nails, and yes even help them with some of life’s most private and embarrassing tasks.  You just do it and you do it without complaining because the time you take today to spend with a dying person is time you will never get back.  You can reschedule your room painting, your coffee with friends, your spring cleaning, your me-time because the dying cannot.  Their schedule calendar does not go out as far as yours.  They don’t have the luxury of time.  They don’t have it to waste and yet some of us have the audacity to feel that visiting the sick and dying more than occasionally is a waste of time.

Jesus said ‘as you do to the least of these, you have done it to me’.  When you visit the sick, feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty – Christ said it is as if you are doing it to Him.  What a humbling vision but do not be fooled because Christ is not fooled.  Doing it on your schedule, at your convenience, on your terms – is not giving.  It is courtesy-charity.  It is weak, it is shallow, it is transparent, it is fake and it is insulting.

As Christ was walking and the blind man came to him to be healed, do you think Jesus thought, “Oh no, not now, please…I have so much to do”?  What if Mary had decided, “This really isn’t a good time”?  What if Noah, after hearing the Lord’s instructions and figuring the timeline, decided he really had too much of his own stuff to do and couldn’t build this ark-thing that God wanted? 

The blind man would still be blind and would have lost his faith in Jesus.    Noah and his faithful family would have been lost along with thousands of animals. 

Who in your life is being placed on the back burner?  Who in your life is not high on your priority list?  Who in your life needs you but you are inconvenienced by that need?  Who do you know for whom life’s clock is almost out of ticks?  Who do you know, while your train still has many miles to go on your journey, whose life-train is about to come to its final stop?  Will you be there for them to bid them a fond farewell from this life?  Will you hold their hand and ignore the smell of death?  Will you kiss their cheek that is ever so close to their parched, dry lips and their stale breath?  Will you hold their glass and straw so that they can taste the blessed coolness of the moist water on their tongue?  Will you guide the spoon gently and patiently to their lips as they taste the broth that is their meal?  Will you put feet to Christ?  Will you be Christ’s eyes, hands and ears?  Will you show the love that Christ would share were he physically in our presence today?  Or do you have to check you schedule first?  I’ll wait – but the dying, they can’t wait.  Thanks anyway.

Love Them During Their Earthly Hours

In the Book of John, Chapter 11, we find the shortest verse in the entire Bible.  It simply says, “Jesus wept”.  The chapter talks about his dear friend, Lazarus.  Jesus is away when Mary and Martha send word for Jesus to come quickly, for their brother and his friend was dying.  Jesus asked where they laid him and they pointed the way and even as Jesus knew he was going to raise him from the dead, Jesus cried.  Jesus probably cried for both mourners and the joy of raising Lazarus. 

What strikes me the most in this story is the realization that Christ knew exactly what the mourners were feeling.  God knows when we suffer and he knows the turmoil in our hearts.  When the scripture tells us that those who mourn will be comforted, the comfort comes from the realization that God knows our pain.

My mother passed away on March 1, 2012.  I still can not believe she is gone and am just now in the midst of the grieving process.  All around me are people who are mourning and struggling with their feelings.  Some are overly sensitive and others are on an emotional roller coaster.  Still others are quiet and withdrawn while some lash out in ugly anger at others.  Regardless of HOW we mourn our comfort can be found in realizing that God KNOWS, first-hand, what it means to mourn.

The loss of my mother is devastating and has wrinkled my heart for the rest of my life.  I was honored to be at her bedside when she entered life eternal and trust that she is in God’s care.  As I work through the loss of this amazing woman, my mother, my hero, the brightest star in my sky, I continually marvel at the moments of peace that overcome me.  The tears flow from my eyes with remarkable ease and just as quickly the waves of comforting peace.  I’m not sure how to respond to either outward sign of emotion.  But I know from where my strength and comfort come. 

My strength comes from God as does my comfort.  I am comforted in the knowledge and belief that Mom is free from the earthly pain that she bore, not only the cancer, but other ailments through the years.  I am comforted and strengthened through my faith in God, Christ and Holy Spirit working together to comfort and welcome my mother to life eternal. 

The issues of this world seem so much smaller and insignificant in light of our mortality.  What will it take for YOU to decide that life is too short to argue over the little things, to spew hate from your mouth or written word, and to grumble and complain about things outside your control?  Have you expressed how much you love someone and in the same breath berated them to others? 

On my mother’s death bed she said to me, “how is it that one person can feel as much love as I do right now?”  She knew that she was loved.  The outpouring of support and love was evident as many people came in to visit, some came to pray, some brought food for family, many flowers were given, and the electronic greetings and concerns were almost too much to keep up with.  But she KNEW because people went out of their way to tell and how her.  People don’t know until we tell them.  Go now and tell someone exactly how important they are to you – now – do not wait.  And should the day come that you mourn their loss, know that God has you in His arms, in His care, and He knows, first-hand, what you are going through and He will not leave you and He will see you through this.

The Size of a Mustard Seed

A friend recently shared the following with me:  When life leads you to the edge, trust in God and let go.  One of two things will happen:  1) God will catch you or 2) He will teach you how to fly.

A favorite story from my growing up involves the fine art of roof jumping.  Roof jumping occurs in winter time when the snow is piled really high and you, well, jump off the roof.  As one can expect, parents are generally against this idea and my sister and I knew that.  But Mom and Dad were away for a few hours so my sister and I grabbed a ladder and put it against the neighbor’s house (they were away for the winter).  We piled up the snow and started up the ladder.  My sister jumped first and then I stood on the edge – for a long time!  I did finally jump but I was scared.  The snow caught me, surrounded me with icy cold softness and the adrenaline really kicked in.  Once again up the ladder and this time, with my sister in midair and me half-way up the ladder, the thundering voice of my father echoed through the houses, “What are you two doing?”  Of course the only thing two kids can say at a time like that?  “Nothing”?  Well, ‘nothing’ got us grounded for a month! 

What will you do when you get to the edge?  Will you try to walk backwards, avoiding the cliff?  Will you try to run or will you jump?  Will you try to stop yourself mid jump?  Will you scream out to God or will you totally surrender to Him and, arms outstretched, jump in absolute faith?  No one can answer that question until they are at the edge. 

I still remember the edge though.  Standing on the edge of the roof and looking down, ready to jump but not ready to jump.  Hopeful yet fearful.  Excited yet nervous.  Now as I face another edge I need to jump and I know that either God will catch me or teach me how to fly but I’m still nervous.  I’m still scared.  I’m still really not ready to jump.  But faith teaches me to jump.  Recall this scene from Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.

With his father groaning in the background, Indiana walks ahead, following an ancient book that gives clues to guide him through a maze of obstacles to the place where the Grail is hidden. He comes to the brink of a chasm deeper than the eye can see. There is no visible way for him to cross the chasm.

Indiana is faced with the impossible. All he sees is the sheer cliff edge and the vast gulf beneath him. Then, as he studies his guidebook, his face relaxes in realization, and he says, "It's a leap of faith."

With his father whispering, "You must believe, boy, you must believe," Indiana looks straight ahead, gathers his courage, and slowly raises one foot into the empty air in front of him.

With a thud, his foot lands on solid ground. The camera pans to show Indiana standing on a narrow rock bridge, deceptively carved to match the exact outline of the ravine beneath it.

Overcome with relief, he quickly crosses the chasm and discovers the Grail on the other side.[1]

Each day we are called to believe – have some faith – take a step of faith.  Abraham offered up his son, Noah built the ark, Moses raised his rod to part the Red Sea and Daniel walked out of the lion’s den.  Each one did it on faith. 

When one of my nephews was baptized I gave him a pin to wear on his shirt.  In the pin was a mustard seed.  I told him that God says that we need to have faith the size of a mustard seed.  He said, “I can have that much faith every day!”  Surely it is possible for all of us to have that much faith, right?  How big is a mustard seed?  It is about as big as the line beneath this letter O. 

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[1] www.preachingtoday.com/illustrations/2003/december

It Really Is Sufficient For All You Require

Richard J Mouw, current President of Fuller Theological Seminary, addressed students and faculty at the Festival of Beginnings in the Fall of 2009. He spoke on the following lyrics from the hymn How Firm A Foundation:

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross (garbage, useless ‘stuff’) to consume and thy gold to refine.

The words are harsh and talk about the flames of our trials.  They cannot harm us.  We feel its heat and that often times causes pain.  It can be hard to see through the heat and the smoke and it never seems to run along the side of our pathway rather right in to our path, delaying our journey and forcing us to question our current route.  God will cause those flames to burn up all those things in our life that are, simply, garbage.  The flames shall refine our gold and refine us in this journey.

Mouw says, “Life is a series of stepping in to the unknown”.  We do it every single day.  We do not know what we will meet on the road as we drive from here to there.  We do not know who we will meet or what thoughts will enter our minds and hearts throughout the day. 

On Wednesday, February 15, 2011 I did not know that I would hear that day that my mother has only a few months to live.  The words stung my heart and my eyes burned with tears.  I stepped in to another unknown and did not want to be there.  I found myself facing yet another series of flames and the fires of destruction seemed, at first, to burn through all that was good in my life instead of the garbage.  But as I looked more closely; those flames continued to burn away feelings of anger and refined, indeed enhanced even more, my love and adoration for my mother and my commitment to her.  God’s grace continues to be all-sufficient, supplying me with everything I need to face this unknown with strength, dignity and integrity.

Mouw goes on to remind us of the words of St Ignatius:  “In consolation remember desolation.  In desolation remember consolation”.  We must remember the times when God is with us; both the good and bad times.  No matter where we are on our life journey we must never lose sight of the fact that God has never lost sight of us.  Not once.  We have fallen, we have been hurt, we have cried and cursed but God has never left us.

My mother is the brightest star in my sky.  She is the person I admire the most in this world.  She has brought me comfort and shown me what love truly is.  She has taught me how to care for myself and to care for others.  She has shown me a raw faith that very few people have achieved in this life time. 

When you face the next inferno that crosses your life-path, and you will; remember to thank God and give Him the credit for sustaining you – for holding you – for supplying ALL that you require.

The Anchor Holds

When my parents committed to ‘better or for worse’ fifty years ago, I am sure they never thought they would both be ‘worse’ at the same time.  It was assumed and talked about often that one would decline from age before the other and, therefore, they would be able to care for one another.  Unfortunately, right now, that isn’t the case.  Mom is fighting to save her life and lacks the necessary energy and patience that Dad requires to keep him moving forward.  Dad is confused and not sure about what’s happening to Mom and lacks the mental strength to care for himself or for her.

Mom and Dad have a ritual every night.  It’s the type of pillow-talk that is healthy among couples and should become a ritual in all our lives.  With the lights off, the noises shut down, and listening to the rhythm of one another’s heartbeats, they face each other and talk about their day, their lives together, and their love for one another.  Dad always reassures Mom by saying, “I love you more today than I did yesterday”…and then he kisses her once on the chin, then the nose, then the forehead; and repeats that three times before sealing it with a final kiss on the lips.  It is as if, for a few moments, God grants them enough grace to by-pass all their cares, all their sorrows, all their troubles and all their pain, enough for them to remind each other that they are one, together.

The scripture tells us that God’s grace is sufficient for all our needs.  There are times I wonder if God is out of touch with reality – if He has forgotten or maybe doesn’t know all-together the stresses and demands on our lives.  I wonder if God needs a reality check.  I recently spoke to someone who said she cried to God and got mad for feeling like she’s not being heard.  I told her to keep yelling.  I think it is perfectly acceptable to show God how passionate you are about something including your pain.  Christ yelled to God, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me”?  Even Christ felt abandoned.  I wonder if Christ felt that His Father was out of touch with reality and failed to fully understand humanity.  Then again, that’s why Christ was sent in the first place – so that we would have an advocate, an attorney, if you will, to God the Father.

When we hire an attorney it is easy to get angry or upset when things don’t move as fast as we want them to.  An attorney friend of mine once said that attorney time and human time are different.  Attorney time is typically last-minute because they are so consumed with other people’s issues the other minutes.  Makes sense – as long as they get the job done, right?  He went on to say that he encourages his clients to be proactive.  It’s ok to call him and push him, to let him know how eager you are to settle the case and move on.  I think the same is with us and Christ.  Tell him – yell if you need to – but let him know from the depths of your very being how important your needs are and He will listen and He will supply all your needs.  In the movie, Contact, Jodie Foster’s character stands before a few powerful men and asks them for the money to help her project continue.  They say no.  And then she shows them the passion, the burning desire within her to get this done.  She revealed, through her passionate plea, the importance of this project to her very soul, her very reason for being.  She was given the money – her needs were met because she was brutally honest with the people who could make a difference. 

My partner recently asked me how it is that I am able to remain so positive all the time.  When I look at people like my parents, the answer is pretty easy.  What choice do I have?  I can wallow in self-misery, self-pity, and have a woe-is-me party, but what will that accomplish?  More depression, more sadness, more misery, and it tends to push people away.  So I CHOOSE to remain positive because the other options just are not sufficient for me.

My prayer for you is that you have no other option but to remain positive through ALL situations.  Conquer every evil that comes your way.  Stand strong in the face of adversity.

Your anchor holds fast through the angry seas.  Your anchor holds in spite of the storm.  Though your sails are torn and tattered, your anchor holds.