I have been caregiving for my parents for the past two years.  My mother was diagnosed with a very rare cancer and my dad has Stage IV Alzheimer's and skin cancer.  I moved them in with me about two years ago as soon as mom received the diagnosis.  You can read about that journey at www.bruceandbarb.blogspot.com if you would like.

It has been a very busy two years.  I'm very proud of the progress my mother has made.  But in the midst of her personal triumphs and successes is the dark, ever-present cloud of Dad's Alzheimer's that is rapidly stealing the love of her life from her.  They celebrated 50 years of marriage this past September - a testiment to their strength and love and endurance through almost impossible odds.  They are still very much in love, sneaking kisses in the kitchen and holding hands at every opportunity.  They write each other love notes sometimes and leave them on their pillows to read at nights.  Still he quietly and silently slips away.  The disease strikes both the old memories and the new ones - the very new ones - the ones we created just today never took hold, were never synthized in the brain.  It's all just-another-day for my father as he tries to keep up with conversations and things that are happening.  All the while he really has no idea that he is ill - and yet he knows his love is hurting and feels frustrated by it, often.  Through it all they will never leave one another's side.  They will never forsake the other and they will forever be in love.  I gift that is so rare these days that it almost sounds like a tale from days-gone-by.  We should all be so lucky to have a life-partner that is truly in it for LIFE.


This weekend I will be moving my parents in to a senior, independent living facility.  They are moving on and I'll be moving to my own place closer to the city of Milwaukee.  We have developed some traditions which I will miss but will look forward to re-living each time I visit with them.   I won't share them with you because they are important, memory-making moments for us. 


I dont' know what I will go through emotionally when they are not here in the house anymore.  My brain will, no doubt, move through many emotions.  I have friends who never speak to their parents, are from a divorced home, or have lost their parents.  A classmate of mine from high school, Debbie, lost her father a few years ago and this year just lost her mother.  A close and dear member of our extended family lost both of his parents in a car accident - I believe he was 19 at the time.  I KNOW how fortunate, lucky and blessed I am.  Even as Dad is enveloped by this disease I will adore him, respect him, love him and make memories with him till his last breath.  Because he is my father and he deserves that.


I was wondering what would happen if our heavenly Father began to forget about us?  Little things at first like perhaps he stumbles over our name or forgets where we live for a moment.  Then begins to forget some of the memories we have made together.  What if he has no recollection of that day and time in space when you finally knew He was what you were looking for and you accepted Him for what and who He is?  What if he forgot about His own Son and what He did?  What if God just...forgot about us...


God won't forget us - we rest in that promise.  But we forget Him all the time.  We knew him once, didn't we?  Then something happened and we started forgetting.  Sometimes we remember for a moment but maybe the memory hurts, so we push it back.  Maybe we just simply forgot who He was and how important He used to be to us.  Maybe we forgot about Him...

Walk With Humility

I have a confession to make.  This confession is not difficult NOW that I have come to fully embrace my errors and have learned how they can actually work to make me a better person.  But it is something I have rarely confessed to many people so here I am about to put it online for everyone.

I used to be a habitual liar.  For so many years I was fiercely and intensely focused on pleasing other people that I would intentionally lie to one group of people and then tell a different story with another group of people.  Each day I would decide the following items based on who I would be interacting with during that day:

-        Hair

-        Clothes

-        Attitude

-        Music that I listened to

-        Language filters (think about it!)

-        Areas of expertise

-        The past and my future endeavors

It was a LOT of work.  I would decide who to become in light of who I was around in order to be accepted by them.  I hear it is a common trait among us Pisces but I know a lot of people for whom this applies that are not Pisces.  It became so intense that I no longer did it on purpose – it almost came naturally.  I had developed what amounted to multiple personalities.  Whoever I thought needed to be pleased with my existence is who I morphed into being.  Wow, God must have been so disappointed in me because in the secret, quiet places of my heart – I was very disappointed in myself.

On this journey of life, while we are mere vessels traveling on this big blue island in space, we encounter God’s amazing diverse Creativity through the land, the landscape, and all who inhabit this space.  Yet each time we try hard to please others we are denying God’s diverse nature.  Instead of rejoicing and celebrating in and through our diversity we try to become what we were not originally created to be.  We try to become like others.

So the lying-self that I had embraced and became so good at – often backfired.  Want to feel like a young child again?  Get caught in a lie.  It does it every time.  It CAN be one of the most humbling experiences of our existence yet sometimes we can get caught up in trying to cover that lie and deceive others that it just all goes tumbling out of control.  Some days you wake up and really have no clue who you truly are.  What’s worse is that usually when you are caught is the time you are being true to yourself but when held up and compared to all the lies you have seeded and harvested through the years – well, you know the story of the little boy who cried wolf.

Today I am proud of the man in the mirror.  When I look at the person reflecting back at me I thank the Creator for seeing me through.  If it was me, I would have given up on me a very long time ago.  But the patience of the Holy is something we simply cannot wrap our brains around.

When I counsel people who are caught up in the web of lies and deceit there is always the question of how to stop.  How do we stop when the mere act of stopping is going to bring in to question our very character – our morale center is going to be exposed and it will not be pretty!

There is one person in this world that has had an incredible profound impact on my life.   He is the person who helped me and gave me permission to embrace who I am and to stop the lying nature that was in me.  I will call him J (and probably not a coincidence that his name and Christ’s both start with the letter J).  He wouldn’t put up with it.  He was able to see what it was doing to me.  He was able to see the dark and rotting nature of my soul that was built on lies and deception and trying to please other people.  I thank my God every day that He sent someone like this in to my life to teach me so much. 

You have to look deep and accept the consequences of your actions.  You have to embrace the person that God wants you to be and be willing to deny who you have been trying to be.  You cannot be more than one person.  It is tiring and a very lonely.  People will catch on. They may not be able to put a finger on it and define it but they catch on to the negative spirit and they will eventually walk away from you.  All that time and energy you spent on pleasing them and the end result is:  they are no longer in your life because your very nature caught up to you.

Imagine what we could accomplish in this life if we focused on pleasing God and being pleased with the person we see in the mirror each day.  It starts by loving ourselves so much that we no longer focus on what others may require of us.  What we should focus on is what the Lord requires of us BECAUSE what He requires of us is truly what our hearts desire. 

I find it interesting that the answer to what the Lord requires of us is found in a small book of the Bible called Micah.  It is simple yet takes a life-time to master.  There are three instructions:

1.       Do what is right

2.      Love mercy

3.      Walk humbly with God

Be good to yourself.  Be true to yourself.  Be honest to yourself.  And when you do you will find that you are being good to others – you are being true to others – you are being honest to others.  Through this you will find the freedom that you so long to experience.  You will know complete surrender.  You will know and feel the grace of God working in and through you.  Live with courage and seek to find that inner voice that is crying out to you to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk in all humility with your God.

To Phone Or Not To Phone

So I have been without a phone for about two weeks.  For five days it had no battery then a dear friend had it to update and fix and then from there it was all downhill.  I’m now waiting for a replacement phone to show up at my doorstep tomorrow morning.  Then of course I’ll need to boot it up, download all my apps, and update the phone.  All in all I will be a very happy man when I’m able to communicate with the world once again.

But what have I really missed?  Let’s think about this:

* instant contact with friends via text messages

* updates from Facebook

* phone calls

* access to emails instantly

I’m not really sure why I need to be reading facebook updates every five minutes.  No offense to my friends and family but there hasn’t been anything on facebook that couldn’t wait till I was actually able to log on from my computer.  I missed nothing by being able to read them instantly.  And I’m sure my friends have not missed my checking in to the coffee shop, pick n’ sav, Verizon store, and a friends’ house.  I don’t think they really care if I went grocery shopping last night at 9:00 p.m. and the fact that I didn’t update my location did not send everyone into a crisis status wondering where Kurt has been.

No one has sent me a text message that couldn’t wait till the evening.  If I didn’t return a text message they no doubt tried to call and then sent a message to my email and facebook which I got at the close of each day.

The phone calls are hard to miss as the phone also serves as my business contact.  But honestly, 95% of my clients utilize email and in the past two weeks I have received about ten emails from clients, all of which I answered at the close of each day.

So what have I really lost?   The ability to pick up my device to avoid contact with other humans, to excuse myself from a crowd to check my text messages, and feeling loved and connected with other humans.  That is what I lost.  But why do I require this device to feel good about myself? I know my friends and family love me.  I know if I need them they are there – but I don’t HAVE to know everything as it happens.

That being said, I will be one happy man to have my phone back in my hands.  The question is:  have I learned anything from this experience?  Is there something I can take away from this ordeal that will make me a better human and for that matter, a better Christian?

The only thing it reminds me of is how much time I spend with, our away from, my God.  I wonder if God feels the same way about me that I did the first couple of days without my phone.  Just in the same manner that I suddenly felt disconnected from the world, I wonder how many times God has felt disconnected from me?  Perhaps the lesson learned is to prioritize my life better.  I don’t need to tell everyone where I cam 24/7, what I’m doing, or how I’m feeling.  I don’t need to read what everyone else is doing all the time.  My time is very valuable and precious and none of us know whether our post on Facebook will be our last one.  What matters is what we do with each and every valuable minute we are given.

As for me – today I plan on spending a little extra time looking at the leaves change color.  I want to hear a piece of music I’ve never heard before, and perhaps send a friend a note to let them know I love them.  I plan on hugging my mom one extra time today and reminding my father how much I love him.  I plan on spending a few extra minutes with special people and trying to make every moment with them, extra special.  I'm planning on emailing someone I met years ago to let them know I still hold them in high regard and I'm NOT going to wait or expect a response.  I'm going to look at some photos of my grandfather and remember what an amazingly good man he was.  I'm going to plan a little for tomorrow but make sure I don't take too much of today doing that.  I'm going to play with Rita (our bichon) a little more today and I'm going to make someone smile.  And sometime today, probably towards the end, I'm going to check my Facebook.  Tomorrow I'll spend time with my new phone but not as much - because there will be so much more to look at, listen to, and experience tomorrow.

A few years ago I made a life-altering decision and have not regretted it one bit.  At the time I spoke with a very prominent and wise psychologist. She said something to me that has continued to resonate inside me and I believe it is important in light of the past two weeks. She simply said, “so you decided to finally start living this thing called life”. 

Go forth today and LIVE.

Choose the Right Choice

So it seems that Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke doesn't feel the economy is getting any better. His report was that the economy is not only not getting better but it’s probably going to continue getting worse.  He stated that people are “…dissatisfied with what the economy is doing right now”.  My initial response?  A very sarcastic, “RRRRRREEEALLY?” 

Interesting but I’m wondering if he is as unhappy with it as many of us are considering he still has a job and he makes a reportedly $142,000+ a year. I don’t know about you but my outlook of the economic situation would be slightly better were I making that type of money.

But money doesn’t buy us happiness right?  Or does it?  I think having an increase in cash flow does bring us some level of happiness if even for a fleeting moment.  In fact we know that when given a small wad of cash the pleasure center of the brain lights up for a few moments the same as it does when given food, sex or some drugs.  It just makes you feel better. 

For some it brings security and the ability to protect themselves from negative circumstances.  Part of the purpose of life is to experience the ups and downs of this earthly experience.  If life were a constant state of happiness, we would miss out on the whole experience.  But for many people the lack of funds is a constant emotional pressure that continues to pile up.  Every day is a constant reminder that we have no money when everything around us is demanding one thing from us:  our money.  I know more people in my immediate sphere of influence who are making at or below poverty level and I live in a fairly affluent area of the country. This constant, financial nagging brings us down every day and so those periods of joy and happiness are very few and far between.  For many people life seems to be one destructive day after another with no end in sight.

What brings you joy?  What brings you a true sense of happiness?  I mean a TRUE sense of it – when the smile goes from your face right down to the depths of your soul?  What makes your heart sing out?  Is it possible to smile through destruction?  Is it possible to laugh during moments of sorrow?  Is it possible to feel joy during so much despair?  Where is joy?  Maybe we don’t allow ourselves to be happy because we fear it may be at the expense of someone else?  Or we feel guilty because people around us are not happy.  Maybe there really is a martyr gene in some of us? 

Here is the secret to life.  Are you ready?   You can write it down or copy and paste it or whatever you need to do to remember it but here is my response to the age-old question:  what is the meaning of life?

The meaning of life is three-fold:  First, allowing ourselves to be happy.  Stop punishing ourselves for our past mistakes.  God reminds us that when we ask forgiveness he takes that and throws it as far as the east is from the west – in a straight line – never looking back.  Yet we continue to usurp God and we constantly look back, beat ourselves up over it, and punish ourselves.

Second, we need to decide if we are going to be PROactive or REactive.  When we choose happiness we are being PROactive but when we allow life to choose for us and to dictate our response we are being REactive. 

Third, we choose to allow life to empower us or defeat us.  But the choice is ours.  We THINK that it is life that doesn’t allow us to make these choices but that is only the defeatist’ point of view.  Allowing every circumstance to empower us to rise above it in spite of the circumstance – THAT is the key.

The bottom line answer:  the meaning of life is made of choices.

I have often said that no one has the right to steal your joy.  I recognize that many people also give it away.  Joy is yours – no one should be able to take it and no one should demand or expect you to give it away.  This shift in thinking takes a lot of work because it demands that we dig down to the core of who we are on a daily basis – right down to our foundations – and to fix what is broken. 

Life is like walking a mountain path with a blindfold on.  You have no on at the end to pull off the blindfold for you and suddenly reveal all life’s great mysteries.  Each step can bring about a moment of enlightenment.  Each step can become a pivotal moment in our lives.  Life is a group of steps all strung together.  Like stepping stones.  It is our choice to fear the stepping stones, or pick them up and throw them at the Goliath we call life. 

Oh God, in mystery and silence you are present in our lives, bringing new life out of destruction, hope out of despair, growth out of difficulty.  We thank you that you do not leave us alone but labor to make us whole.  Help us to perceive your unseen hand in the unfolding of our lives, and to attend to the gentle guidance of your Spirit, that we may know the JOY that you give to your people.  Amen! From Bread for the Journey, ed. Ruth Duck, Copyright 1989, The Pilgrim Press, Cleveland, OH; reprinted by permission

Take Time To Be Holy

In 1997 a columnist with the Chicago Tribune penned one of the most profound essays I have ever read or heard.  You can hear the work here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI  Mary Schmich wrote an essay entitled, "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young"  which became a book Wear Sunscreen (Andrews McMeel Publishing, 1998) ISBN 0-8362-5528-3. Schmich published a short gift book adaption of the essay, Wear Sunscreen: A Primer for Real Life, in 1998. A tenth anniversary edition was published in 2008.

In 1999, Baz Luhrmann released the song you can find at that youtube link I just shared with you.  The song was a number one hit in several countries.  It is a wonderful message and a great reminder to take some time to perform some of the simpler things in life.

You ever get an ear-worm?  You know, a song that gets stuck in your head, usually just a few lines, that keeps running over and over and over again?  I call it an ear-worm and it can feel just like that.  Sometimes it steers my entire day.  Lately I've had a hymn stuck in my head and it was brought on by listening to Baz Luhrmann's song set to Mary Schmich's words.  I guess my spirit must have been inspired and so set out on a search through my memory files for something that could continue to support the ideas and motivations behind Schmich's lyrics.  This hymn came racing to my head and I share the lyrics with you below as yet another way to simply say, take some time today.  Take time to be holy - speak with God - stop for a moment and look at the changing colors of the tree.

I was with a friend recently and we were driving through the country-side and we came upon a very large tree just exploding with fall colors.  It's pretty early to be seeing such vibrance and such a color splash in the trees but it looked as if it were actually lit up by some unseen power source. 

Unfortunately my friend never looked up from his cell phone to see it.  And I thought, "how sad that you just missed this marvelous gift that was given to just us".  I wondered how many people flew past that same spot and never noticed that tree. 

Take time - to share - to see - to appreciate - to love.  Take time to experience the holy in the least expected of places...

1. Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
   Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
   Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,
   Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.
2. Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;
   Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.
   By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;
   Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.
3. Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide;
   And run not before Him, whatever betide.
   In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord,
   And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word.
4. Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul,
   Each thought and each motive beneath His control.
   Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love,
   Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.